HSBC to fire 1 in 5 because, higher dividends

“We here as HSBC thank you for your service.”

In our deranged world of predatory capitalism, the only way for a proper money laundering bank to make money is to fire 20% of its employees then hope this somehow magically turns into higher profits which in turn mean increased dividends for shareholders. Nowhere in this “plan” is any consideration given to long-term growth or what happens to those who are fired. Nope, it’s all about short-term pops in income which of course will also no doubt translate into bonuses for top execs.

Much of this financial manipulation will be accomplished by releasing non-GAAP statements trumpeting how much money they would have made without all those bothersome expenses related to firing 50,000 employees. Non-GAAP statements are what I call MSU accounting, as in Makin’ Shit Up, as it bears no relationship to actual accounting practices.

The problem is that even this practice of endless adjustments to bottom line EPS is getting increasingly more scrutiny as explained in “The Non-GAAP Revulsion Arrives: Experts Throw Up All Over “Made Up, Phony, Smoke And Mirrors” Numbers” because sooner or later someone will realize that when “one-time, non-recurring” charges, settlements and costs are recurring and non one-time, then it is merely ordinary course of business, which also means that what on paper are record profits are in GAAP reality massive losses.

As always, the comments at Zero Hedge are snarky fun.

What do you call 50K unemployed bankers?
50K house sellers
All these 50k bankers will be up to their armpits in debt.

Jump banksters jump.

50 thousand door greeters? They can always go to Walmart.

Snake eating it’s own tail. Guess no need to chop it at the head.

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