School security plan that can not possibly fail


Lieutenant:  All right men, gather around, I’m going to brief you on my new school security plan.

Sergeant:  We’re all here sir.

Lieutenant:  <Pointing to sand table model of school> Bad guys with guns will try to come in through unlocked doors and easy to reach flimflam windows here, here, here, here, here and here. Teachers are good guys. They will be given guns. The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. Any questions?

Private #1:   Um sir, why not lock the doors and obscure the windows like we do here at the base?

Sergeant: Shut up private, if you want to get paid to think then go to OCS so you can be a lieutenant too. Besides, you heard the lieutenant; the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

Lieutenant: <sounds like Dudley Do-Right> That’s right men, I just got back from intensive training at ACME think tank who just got the contract to do all the thinking for the Pentagon. They taught us that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

Private #2: So no tear gas, no sandbags, and no concrete barriers? No perimeter fence or controlled entry?

Lieutenant: <with mocking sissy voice> Private numbskull here wants something to hide behind like a perimeter fence or a concrete barrier. <Infomercial voice returns> ACME think tank has determined that all that stuff is little sissy boy nonsense that won’t work and that the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

Corporal: Sir, what about bad guys who make their way in as substitute teachers or what about teachers who have a bad day and become a bad guy?

Lieutenant: Nonsense Corporal Brainiac, that’s impossible.

”¦ be continued.


  1. On my last trip home, I visited my old high school. In my day, it was an open school considered cutting edge, and students could enter or exit by any of several dozen doors. It was the second-best school in the state, too.

    Today there is just one entrance, and everyone checks in and out. It felt a lot like a prison. But at least they didn’t have metal detectors and visible armed guards, as most Los Angeles schools do.

    OTOH, such a design is far more defensible than an open school. It’s sad that we have to think that way, but apparently we do.

    • Only one way out means, unless there are fire doors, that the entrance / exit could be used as a trap too. Herd them into running out of the building by firing into windows in the back then shoot them as they run out the door.

  2. That is excellent Randy Miller.

  3. If you don’t feel save with 300,000,000 guns, will you feel any safer with 400,000,000?

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