Can Women Have It All? The Fight Among Us

Why women still can’t have it all (The Atlantic)

Can women have it all? (US News and World Report)

Can women have it all? (Clutch)

Can you have it all? Talking about The Atlantic piece (Slate)

I doubt any of these writers care to ask me if “I have it all” – nor do I expect someone to text me the question. Here’s my response”¦I’m sure you will sense some sarcasm.

I do have it all. ALL of it. I have laundry, email, and dinner to make. I have a daughter who knows the names of the people in my work world better than she knows her extended family. I have a husband who’s keeps a calendar to know when I’m home for dinner, and when it’s his turn to cook. I have student loans, bills, a car that got a really bad car wash, and a stinky bear that I had to “pull some strings” in order to rescue him from daycare at 11 at night. I “have it all” for a couple of people.

I see the point of these writers – theres’s an inequity in our worlds. Have your babies too young and you endanger your educational opportunities, which then impact your income-making prospects. Have your babies too old and you endanger professional advancement, which then impact your income-making prospects. And – if you forego (either by choice or force) babies, there’s this unspoken implication that you do not see the value in childrearing.

And here we are again”¦the value of a woman has been boiled down to our willingness to have children. Not our desire to have children, but our willingness. How nice.

So, here’s the deal. Clearly, I sense a conspiracy here. There’s a distraction at play, and the ladies are all being fooled into forming a circle to start shooting at each other. There’s the stay-at-home mom, the attachment mom, tiger mom, working mom, the no-children lady, the infertile, the all or nothing, the bitch, the pushover, the liberal, the conservative”¦. I didn’t even get the chance to talk about the economic inequities of women – within womanhoodland.

Don’t get distracted, there’s a political war that is separating and compartmentalizing women. I have this horrible gut feeling that we are losing this war. Our menstral cycles are clearly not lined up, and we are not on the same page. Maybe once scientists find the cure for male-pattern baldness before a cure for breast or uterine cancer…we will start to feel that sense of urgency.

(Crossposted from