It’s that time of year where we celebrate a hodge-podge of Pagan and Christian stuff all brought together by Coca Cola in the 1930s under one of the most successful ad campaigns in history. Some people hate it for the consumerism that it breeds. Others love the deep sense of humanity and selflessness that go along with the season. I happen to love this time of year because it’s a great time to remind people that their favorite philosopher, Jesus, was a pinko commie of the highest order. In fact, some might just say he was Occupying Wall Street long before Wall Street began selling slaves:
“And he found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: and he made a scourge of cords, and cast all out of the temple, both the sheep and the oxen; and he poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew their tables…” John 2:14-16
Get down Jesus!
But Jesus was more than just a pioneer of Occupy Wall Street. The Church he set up was the perfect example of a communist enterprise:
“For neither was there among them any that lacked: for as many as were possessors of the lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold, and laid them at the apostles feet: and distribution was made unto each, according as anyone had need.” Acts 4:34-36
Nobody lacked in the early Church. Whatever you had was shared freely, “according to need.” This is, after all, the same guy who provided health care to the poor and fed the hungry. Hell he even helped turn a sad little wedding into one hell of a party by turning the water into wine! This is the same guy who filled the hungry and sent the rich away empty (Luke 1:53). In light of the nearly 6,000 Americans who have been arrested to protect the rich in this country, Jesus offered some great advice:
You have shown contempt for the poor, but is it not the rich who domineer over you? Is it not they who drag you into the law courts? (James 2:6)
It was Jesus who chose the poor to inherit the kingdom of heaven. It was Jesus who warned the rich (Luke 6:24). I had one friend make the point that while all this may be true, Jesus never used the word communism! No doubt. He and the early church never used a term that wouldn’t be invented for another 18 centuries. But if it talks like a commie and walks like a commie, chances are it’s a commie. And Jesus, my friends, was a pinko-commie if there ever was one.