Decision to stop making Hummers saddens assholes

General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes.

Across the nation, leading assholes spoke of a sense of loss and sadness caused by the decision, and suggested that they would now be searching for new ways to compensate for their small penises.

  • I’m told that Schwarzenegger owns six hummers. He must have an awful lot of compensating to do.