“Four months ago, during the monsoon rains, we decided to set up this stock exchange. We started with 15 ‘maritime companies’ and now we are hosting 72. Ten of them have so far been successful at hijacking,” Mohammed said.
Wall Street investment banks are rumored to be furious that these upstarts are scamming and stealing without them getting a piece of the action. But that won’t last long. An new ETF based on stocks of pirate companies is coming soon. Plus the pirate companies will be issuing bonds which will then be sliced and diced into Pirate Backed Securities with Credit Default Swaps then bought and sold on them with investment banks making a pretty penny on the fees of course.
Fred “Wee” Zel at Vampire Squid Investments opined that piracy is the new bubble for the stock markets, with heroin dealing and gun running fast gaining in popularity too. “The opportunities for profit maximization are huge here, plus we can then launder all their dirty money for them. It’s a win-win situation.”