How can you do April Fools jokes when events are beyond satire?

no vampires

April Fools jokes? Hah! Things are way too dire for that. Collapsing economies, criminals in high places, you know the whole enchilada way too well.

However, the Marxist International Liberation Front has been documenting hitherto unknown ties between our capitalist overlords, like that AIG is money-laundering for the Queen of England’s heroin smuggling. Whoops, wrong conspiracy, sorry. That conspiracy is so last millenium and generally favored by crackpots on the right not the left. What they have found is that AIG is selling assets cheap, allowing the buyer banks to book huge profits while AIG itself goes penniless. Oh wait, that theory actually came from a financial blog pseudonomously written by a banking insider under the pen name of “Tyler Durden,” after the lead role in Fight Club.

How can anyone do an April Fools joke when a financial insider who names himself after a sociopath says a major financial institution is happily booking losses so other financial entities can prosper mightily? This is making my brain hurt. I mean, how can you satirize that?

Then again, the biggest Aprils Fools joke might well be Madoff’s name. It really is pronounced MADE-off (with the money.) $65 billion dollars and no one has a freaking clue where it all went? Now that’s funny.

Another shadowy underground group, PONZI, claims the entire subprime debacle and consequent collapse of the economy was quite deliberate and planned, and the billions missing from Madoff’s funds will be used to secretly buy up huge tracts of land in Detroit which the elites will use to train their private armies in preparation for taking over the country overtly. In yet another example of how satire is being eclipsed by events, you may be wondering, did I just make that up or does PONZI really exist or, gasp, could such a fiendish plot actually be possible?

Did I mention that an elite Boston prep school just issued a public statement saying that, by God, vampires and werewolves do not exist at their school?

How can I possibly top that with satire or an April Fools joke?