Wealthy Underground Organization says Free Bernie!

Today at dawn, New York City police surprised a gang of free market fanatics just before they could set off a massive dynamite explosion that would have blown away the entire northern wall of lower Manhattan’s Metropolitan Correctional Center.

News of the daring rescue attempt quickly spread throughout radical capitalist circles, bringing tycoons, magnates, and entrepreneurs — from corporate CEOs to ice cream vendors — to the Correctional Center to demonstrate in support of the Wealthy Underground. Picketing and chanting, protestors held signs reading “FREE BERNIE!” and “THE BANKERS UNITED WILL NEVER BE INDICTED.”