category

Manhattan dominatrix offers discount to ex-Bear Stearns employees

Her services include:

-Domestic service training (useful in preparing for future job as a janitor at Goldman Sachs)

-Spanking combined with verbal chastising (“Caused!” -whack- “Sub-prime!” -whack- “Crisis!” -whack- “Very!” -whack- “Very!” -whack- “Naughty!” -whack whack whack-)

-78 cane strokes (number chosen to represent the difference between Bear Stearns’ $80 per share book value and the actual current share price of $2)

-Interrogation roleplay (I am Coughlin Stoia and you are Bear Stearns. Helpful in preparing for upcoming deposition)

-Master/slave roleplay (I am JP Morgan and you are Bear Stearns. Now I own you)

All of which echoes Wayne Kramer’s lyric from “Something Broken in the Promised Land“, “There’s a self improvement tape called ‘Getting Used to Poverty'”.

NYC real estate, restaurants, and upscale stores will be taking a big hit as the money spigot shuts down, what with all the coming layoffs at investment banks. Will there be a flood of new books and seminars advising people how downsizing can be fun? Possibilities include “Advantages to owning a Yugo – No one wants to steal it!,” “Accessorizing your 500 sq ft apartment,” “Adventures in Eating – Rethinking Bob’s Big Boy,” and “How to Use an ATM machine When You No Longer Have Staff to Do It For You.” (That last one is based on a true story I heard about a wealthy Wall Street type who literally did not know how to use an ATM.)

  • bruce

    hey, wouldn’t that be Cayne strokes???????

  • CharlieB

    I saw Wayne Kramer perform last night as part of the “justice tour”. Would really like to find the source of the “Getting Used to Poverty” film. Anyone know where it came from or where it can be seen?