Blog announces Russian election winner before polls open


In our exclusive interviews with some of the bureaucrats responsible for rigging the elections, we were informed that all is proceeding according to plan. “We were worried whether or not we could get enough people to show up at the polls for the cameras in order to fake the vote,” one bureaucrat told us, “but thanks to the free haircuts and medical check-ups to draw people in, we were able to pull it off!”

Calls for Medvedev to give his victory speech on the same morning as the polls open have so far gone unanswered.

Before the voting began, a government announcement that the vote for Putin Medvedev would be over 100% in many areas would have been greeted with skepticism by opposition groups except their leaders apparently all left town suddenly “on holiday.”

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