Some presidential candidates for your…

Some presidential candidates for your perusual

Ronnie James Dio

An interfaith prayer breakfast attended by Democratic Presidential Candidate Ronnie James Dio went horribly awry this morning when the candidate bound an Episcopal priest in heavy chains and threw him into the rushing Colorado River.

Finally, a candidate who dares to be different! Plus – and this is a seriously important reason to vote for him – he was in Black Sabbath along with Ozzy Osbourne.

Chris P. Carrot

My fellow Americans, my name is Chris P. Carrot, and I want to be your next president. You may be asking yourself, “Why on Earth would I vote for a talking vegetable?” or “What can he do for me?” The plain and simple answer is: It will take a carrot to improve America’s vision!

Yeeesh. Someone should tell vegetarians – of which I, especially after Mad Cow II, mostly am – that their websites should be, a bit, um, meatier.

Can other candidates honestly say, as I can, that they would gladly lay down their very lives to defend against free radicals?

HEY, you got something against radicals, pal??? Don’t make me use the juicer!

In other 2004 news, humor columnist Dave Barry is selling 2004 election t-shirts and bumper stickers while recycling the platform from his 2000 run. I believe the crucial issue of exploding toilets is still being discussed by the Barry campaign.  

And finally, check out the apparently deeply serious but actually art guerilla troupe, the Experimental Party.