Get your armored Cadillac now!

Get your armored Cadillac now!

“The country’s two largest automakers are jumping into the limited but expanding U.S. market for armored vehicles as drivers’ concerns grow  about terrorism and random violence.”

Damn, I had NO IDEA I needed to be concerned about this. I drive my Prius all over L.A., sometimes in Areas Thought To Be Dangerous, and  not until now had it even occurred to me to be worried about being attacked by a terrorist. Thank you Detroit!

“The new vehicles being created by General Motors Corp. and Ford Motor Co. can withstand shots from powerful handgun and high-powered rifle blasts.”

Wow, just like in the movies. Life imitates Art! Cool! Um… wait, if the car fails to stop the bullets, do I get my money back?

“It’s a small segment, but it’s growing and it’s profitable,” Ford spokesman Todd Nissen said.”

Highly placed sources said Lincoln will introduce a special version of the Navigator aimed at drug smugglers, with secret compartments for transporting heroin and cocaine, and the ability to kill anyone within a 100 yard circumference. “We expect his baby to go for $250,000, and be stunningly profitable”, said the Head Troll in charge of Marketing, drooling as he contemplated the fat stock options that would soon be his.