Lion dung & the coming…

Lion dung & the coming war

A railroad in Japan, which had a problem with wild deer getting on the tracks and causing accidents, has found a solution. They spread lion dung on the tracks! The deers stay away. End of deer problem.

While, as a Green, I do appreciate the both the ecological sustainability of this approach and the lack of adverse environmental impact, I am thankful that my job title is not “Lion Dung Spreader”.

Some points to ponder; as there are no lions in Japan, how do the deer know? What tells their little deer brain that this particular piece of dung is from a large toothy clawed creature who wishes to have them for breakfast – especially considering they have never seen a lion?

When a Dung Tosser goes home after an arduous day of hurling dung (“Hey Frank, how many kilos did you toss today?”), do his cats and dogs flee in terror thinking him, by his scent, to be a lion? Does his wife join in with the tossing, and toss him out? Or maybe hose him down in the driveway? Yes, I am assuming males, not females, would be Dung Tossers. This is a guy thing, like beer can pyramids.

This could also be a swell way for gardeners to keep deer out of their gardens. Y’know, you try to grow some veggies and herbs, and those damn deer gobble them up first. Stock up on lion dung! Spread it around!

However, were thousands, or perhaps millions of gardeners all demand lion dung at once, this would certainly lead to a serious worldwide shortage. People would start hoarding, maybe a futures market would emerge. Governments would become involved. Once starving African countries would become wealthy overnight, as they would control the now crucial Lion Dung market.

It could happen.

However, this country will be at war within days. So let’s have a giggle while we can.

Things will be getting real serious real quick. There’s already spectacular amounts of bull dung emerging from D.C., soon to be vast torrents no doubt. There’s also a powerful worldwide peace movement. As the NY Times said recently, we, the peace movement, are the other superpower on the planet.

When the attacks start, expect massive spontaneous turnouts across the globe. This is something new, a huge leaderless worldwide movement in direct opposition to those in high places who lust for empire.

This is not business as usual, these are historic times. Join in.