Office of Homeland Security issues…

Office of Homeland Security issues cold weather security alert

“With colder weather comes heavier clothing, and that means a security problem”, explained a spokesperson for the Office of Homeland Security. “In warm weather, when people wear shorts and t-shirts, it is difficult to hide assault weapons or personal nuclear devices in ones clothing.  However, bulky winter clothes, unfortunately, make ideal places to hide the exotic weaponry so common to members of the Axis of Evil.”

Therefore, he went on to explain, they will be forced to conduct random strip searches of citizens to protect the U.S. from possible terrorist attacks. “The searches will be conducted as quickly as possible, and you be allowed to leave your skivvies on if the temperature is below freezing”.