Free Lindsay Lohan!

Clearly, California could not stand idly by and let a messed-up little druggie return a stolen necklace and pay compensation. Nosirree, not when she’s famous, cute, and mouthy. Examples Must Be Made. (You will note that when examples are to be made, they are almost always female.)

The maw of the prison-industrial system of California greedily accepts a high-profile offering. And we shall have no bleeding-heart talk of rehabilitation. The maw will not allow it! That would mean less prisoners for it to devour, and thus less profit and salary for those who created it.

Free Lindsay Lohan!