I present for your perusal:
- Obama gets award, behind closed doors, with no media or public allowed, for making government open and transparent.
- Yemen named ‘Bulwark of Peace’ by Hillary Clinton allowing it to receive further financial and military aid so we can kill al Qaeda there.
- There is no European Union debt or solvency crisis even if Ireland, Portugal, and Spain are cratering. Just so you know.
- Sushi from ocean near Japan just fine to eat says Japan. Bon appetit!
- PETA wants San Francisco to rename the Tenderloin. I suggest “Tofu.”
- That radioactive water in Pennsylvania and Massachuetts is totally safe even if it exceeds EPA levels for safe drinking water.
- We can certainly arm al Qaeda rebels in Libya to fight Qadaffi with no unanticipated consequences whatsoever.
- Chavez of Venezuela says capitalism might have destroyed life on Mars.
- London banking consortium threatens to raise private army and invade if Ireland defaults on bond debt.
- Microsoft, who used to be nicknamed The Borg, says Google is a monopoly.
- North Korea threatens “Resolute Hammer of Socialist Strikeback” if world media continues to ignore them and covers “imperialist” news in Libya and Japan instead.
- Japan nuclear regulators raise allowable limits for radiation exposure to 1,000x previous levels decrying “whiny-whiners” who do not appreciate that some mutations can be beneficial.
Ok, I made some of these up. But I bet you aren’t entirely sure which.