Life eclipses satire, making Aprils Fools Day impossible

I present for your perusal:

  • Obama gets award, behind closed doors, with no media or public allowed, for making government open and transparent.
  • Yemen named ‘Bulwark of Peace’ by Hillary Clinton allowing it to receive further financial and military aid so we can kill al Qaeda there.
  • There is no European Union debt or solvency crisis even if Ireland, Portugal, and Spain are cratering. Just so you know.
  • Sushi from ocean near Japan just fine to eat says Japan. Bon appetit!
  • PETA wants San Francisco to rename the Tenderloin. I suggest “Tofu.”
  • That radioactive water in Pennsylvania and Massachuetts is totally safe even if it exceeds EPA levels for safe drinking water.
  • We can certainly arm al Qaeda rebels in Libya to fight Qadaffi with no unanticipated consequences whatsoever.
  • Chavez of Venezuela says capitalism might have destroyed life on Mars.
  • London banking consortium threatens to raise private army and invade if Ireland defaults on bond debt.
  • Microsoft, who used to be nicknamed The Borg, says Google is a monopoly.
  • North Korea threatens “Resolute Hammer of Socialist Strikeback” if world media continues to ignore them and covers “imperialist” news in Libya and Japan instead.
  • Japan nuclear regulators raise allowable limits for radiation exposure to 1,000x previous levels decrying “whiny-whiners” who do not appreciate that some mutations can be beneficial.

Ok, I made some of these up. But I bet you aren’t entirely sure which.

One thought on “Life eclipses satire, making Aprils Fools Day impossible

  1. Your timing is impeccable. While searching this morning for something to compliment The Onion Story for my/our April Fool edition of the Real Radio Show Breakfast in Bend @ 106.7 KPOV LPFM, Bend’s Community Radio (streaming live @ http://www.kpov.org) I read about half of these as a “Things You Just Can’t Make Up” feature to our meager radio audience (at least six or seven)(hundred).

    Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face on the radio?

    As ever with four old hippies sitting around giggling over coffee, green tea and microphones, I didn’t have time to attribute you (or The Onion, I hope that doesn’t bite us on the ass), but I do want to offer my thanks, we all agreed that I found the best stuff – thanks! I’ll e-mail you a link tomorrow when we post a stream to the archive.

    “Scientists say there’s life on Mars, but my space buggy don’t go that far.”
    ~Space Buggy, Asleep at the Wheel

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