Life eclipses satire, making Aprils Fools Day impossible

I present for your perusal:

  • Obama gets award, behind closed doors, with no media or public allowed, for making government open and transparent.
  • Yemen named ‘Bulwark of Peace’ by Hillary Clinton allowing it to receive further financial and military aid so we can kill al Qaeda there.
  • There is no European Union debt or solvency crisis even if Ireland, Portugal, and Spain are cratering. Just so you know.
  • Sushi from ocean near Japan just fine to eat says Japan. Bon appetit!
  • PETA wants San Francisco to rename the Tenderloin. I suggest “Tofu.”
  • That radioactive water in Pennsylvania and Massachuetts is totally safe even if it exceeds EPA levels for safe drinking water.
  • We can certainly arm al Qaeda rebels in Libya to fight Qadaffi with no unanticipated consequences whatsoever.
  • Chavez of Venezuela says capitalism might have destroyed life on Mars.
  • London banking consortium threatens to raise private army and invade if Ireland defaults on bond debt.
  • Microsoft, who used to be nicknamed The Borg, says Google is a monopoly.
  • North Korea threatens “Resolute Hammer of Socialist Strikeback” if world media continues to ignore them and covers “imperialist” news in Libya and Japan instead.
  • Japan nuclear regulators raise allowable limits for radiation exposure to 1,000x previous levels decrying “whiny-whiners” who do not appreciate that some mutations can be beneficial.

Ok, I made some of these up. But I bet you aren’t entirely sure which.

One comment

  1. Your timing is impeccable. While searching this morning for something to compliment The Onion Story for my/our April Fool edition of the Real Radio Show Breakfast in Bend @ 106.7 KPOV LPFM, Bend’s Community Radio (streaming live @ I read about half of these as a “Things You Just Can’t Make Up” feature to our meager radio audience (at least six or seven)(hundred).

    Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face on the radio?

    As ever with four old hippies sitting around giggling over coffee, green tea and microphones, I didn’t have time to attribute you (or The Onion, I hope that doesn’t bite us on the ass), but I do want to offer my thanks, we all agreed that I found the best stuff – thanks! I’ll e-mail you a link tomorrow when we post a stream to the archive.

    “Scientists say there’s life on Mars, but my space buggy don’t go that far.”
    ~Space Buggy, Asleep at the Wheel

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