Is Santa a commie?

Santa does indeed dress almost entirely in red and appears to engage in wealth redistribution across the planet, all of which would strongly imply he is at least a pinko, or would be if he had half a chance.

However, upon close examination, his alleged wealth redistribution does nothing other than support the existing status quo, as children in wealthier families continue to get far more presents than those in poorer families.

Also, there have been disturbing reports of maltreatment of the elves. Forced overtime with no extra pay, slashed health benefits, speeded-up assembly lines, and worst of all, outsourcing of work to China, have all been mentioned by the now-emerging Elves Union who recently said, “Santa must think he’s Wal-Mart or Nike or Enron, the way he screws us out of wages, outsources work, and destroys our pensions.”

That an underground insurgency of elves was “liberating” presents from the workshops and giving them to their children instead, could not be independently confirmed.

PS The NORAD Santa tracking website, which goes live Christmas Eve, has issued a strong statement saying that the missile defense system which failed so miserably in a recent test, could not possibly malfunction and target Santa’s sleigh instead.