Things Not to Do

Things Not to Do

From Not Genuises

Mike Gordon, bassist for Phish, has very bad decision making ability. Lets give Mike a checklist of things not to do in the future.

1) Do not take a liking to a 9 year old girl backstage at a Dead show.

2) If you must take a liking to a 9 year old girl, ensure that she is not the daughter of a leader of the Hell’s Angels.

3) Do not lure her to a secluded area to take “art photos”.

4) If you must lure her to a secluded area, do not get caught.

5) Especially not by the Hell’s Angels:

“Regardless of whether Gordon has to face a judge next month, law-enforcement sources say unofficial justice was already delivered. The Hell’s Angels, who detained Gordon for police, were not, the sources say, gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star’s body.”


Note: The girl was found utterly unharmed, fully clothed, and Gordon and her parents later released a joint statement saying it was a misunderstanding and they all hoped to put the matter behind them. His record label said,  look, anyone who knows Mike even a little knows he’s not on this planet, and he apologized to the girl and her parents.