Udder tampering is a darned serious crime
“There are men in Wisconsin who are deliberately using artificial means to make their cows’ udders more attractive. Why? Because these men are very, very lonely.
No, seriously, they are doing it to win livestock shows. These are competitions in which cows are judged on various characteristics, kind of like human beauty-pageant contestants, except that the cows are more likely to know what “Iraq” is.”