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New Regulations to Avoid the Evils of Cultural Appropriation

Chinese Rea Guard poster

We must resolutely crush cultural appropriation in all its forms

New directives concerning cultural appropriation have been released. We must all constantly monitor what everyone says, does, and thinks to insure we are never ever influenced by other cultures.

Here are a few. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Mathematics uses Arabic numerals and Arabs invented the concept of the number zero. Thus, Non-Arabs will need to find a new system of numbering.

Asian martial arts can no longer be taught in the U.S.

You’re Anglo and want a taco for lunch? No way. The burrito is henceforth not allowable to eat as it was invented in the United States and thus is inherently appropriative.

Non-Italians can no longer eat pizza.

Only Chinese can drink tea.

Blacks certainly should not listen to or play classical music.

Eric Clapton will be banned from playing blues.

Yo Yo Ma will need to ditch his cello.

Don’t even think of wearing clothes from another culture.

Study of history, science, philosophy must be limited to learning only from those of your specific culture.

Only Scots can play golf.

Sorry ladies, no pants.

While Ice-T may have done a hilarious version of Suicidal Tendencies “Institutionalized”, such cross-cultural frivolities are now strongly discouraged.

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