Tastes like (mutant) chicken

From the wonderful Mark Morford comes: 

The great McDonald’s diet test, and why Ukrainians won’t touch your buffalo wings.

From way, way over there in Ukraine comes this hilarious bit about how the country’s customs officials just confiscated a whopping 19 tons of frozen U.S. chicken parts that smugglers claimed was sugar.

That’s right: The crooks were trying to smuggle American-grown chicken into Ukraine territory, which is all well and good except it’s very illegal, given how the U.S. genetically modifies billions of its chickens and injects them with hormones and chemicals and toxins and feeds them ground-up chicken parts mixed with chicken feces and saws off their beaks and packs them by the tens of thousands into tiny nauseating disease-ridden cages in massive “Matrix”-like hellhole factory farms and treats them worse than you treat a skin boil.

Ukraine refuses to take this crap.

U.S. officials sneer and pout and stamp their feet and say eat our stupid noxious chicken parts goddammit.

America, of course, does not give a damn about Ukraine. America laughs at such petty Euro foolishness, as we slaughter billions of toxic hormoned chickens a year and happily munch away on fried/ liquefied/ reconstituted/ McNuggeted garbage food by the ton and say see? See Ukrainian snob fools? We aren’t dropping dead! We are just fine! Ha! We are still big strong superpower, cough cough groan hack spit!

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Hey, Los Angeles, support striking grocery workers this Saturday!

Massive march and rally
Sat Jan 31, Noon
Great Western Forum
3900 W Manchester Blvd (at Prairie)
Inglewood

Assemble in parking, march to rally site. Bring banners, bullhorns, yourself.

Organized by UFCW, County Fed of Labor, State Fed of Labor. 20,000+ expected. Ample parking.

March with us at the white ANSWER banner that says  ”Workers need healthcare not war.”

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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. “Standing Tall” for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

<Thanks for the forwarded email, Melanie! And everyone else, check out her five books on Amazon!>

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MyDoom traced to Russia

MyDoom, the fastest-proliferating computer virus ever, has been traced to Russia.

Using location-sensing software, Kaspersky Labs has traced the first e-mails infected with MyDoom back to addresses with Russian Internet providers.

“It’s scary, but most serious viruses are written in Russia,” said Denis Zenkov, spokesman for Kaspersky, the country’s largest anti-virus software company.

They have a free MyDoom removal tool.

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