Miami challenges Los Angeles?

Miami challenges Los Angeles?

Judging from Dave Barry’s New Years Day desciption of his beloved South Florida, I’m a’feared Miami may consider itself to be the mayhem and nutcase capitol of America, rather than Los Angeles.

From Dave Barry (in italics): 

DRIVING: South Florida traffic operates under international standards, under which each motorist obeys the laws of his or her individual country of origin. The proud motto of the South Florida motorist is “Death Before Yielding.”

Ah, but do you have 500+ miles of freeways, all of which can be impassable any time day or night for no apparent reason?  Or mass transit on a scope and grandeur to equal that of, oh, a town of 100,000? I think not.

MASS TRANSIT: Miami is blessed with a modern, interconnected light-rail transit system. If you figure out how it works, please let us know.

HA. Los Angeles has subways that start nowhere and go nowhere. Beat that! AND at one point we built a new freeway that inexplicably stopped just short of the airport, thus sabotaging the primary reason for building the freeway. A veritable masterstroke of incompetent planning!

 So just kick back, have fun, and remember: Your pace should be 75 miles per hour, and your doors should be locked.

During the last L.A. riot/uprising (and we’ve had several!), people were doing 110 on the freeways, stopping for nothing, and the little old lady from Pasadena had a  .357 under the seat. You probably think I’m exaggerating.

You’ve heard scary things about Miami. You’ve heard that it’s a wild, crazy, dangerous tropical place where everybody has a gun, the traffic is insane, crime is rampant, the politicians are corrupt, the voters have the intelligence of eggplants, and the cockroaches are the size of Shetland ponies.

Hmmm. Maybe you are as nutty as L.A. after all. However, consider this. Imagine a county the size of the State of Connecticut that is as crazy and wacky as Los Angeles and you would have – Los Angeles!

You can keep your cockroaches!

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